12 Days of Pain and Misery
by SapphoAndCyanide
Summary: a storm keeps the family trapped inside for 2 weeks! will they be able to survive each other's company? FUNNY! chapter 7 is up!
1. mother nature has a sick sense of humor

12 Days of Pain and Misery.

Summary-The family is trapped in the Manor due to a major rain storm outside. Will they be able to survive each other's company for 12 days straight? With a special guest appearance by; Prue Funny funny!

Disclaimer-Never owned Charmed, never will so let me suffer in peace.

Day 1-Mother Nature has a sick sense of humor.

Piper flipped on the TV the family kept in the kitchen to avoid making contact with each other during meals, and it worked pretty well too. The whole family was gathered around the table eating breakfast as they mindlessly watched Piper channel surf.

Piper stopped on the news. The blonde weathergirl with the fake nose was on. She kind of looked like Matt Damon in drag.

"The Bay area is expected to be hit with the biggest storm in years." The bimbo began. "A strong current is blowing through from…. Whichever country is closest to California and is not going to let up for at least 2 weeks, until then you are advised to stay in your houses. Wind speeds up to 85 miles and hour are expected." She continued.

"Hey Phoebes, you should go fly a kite." Paige joked to her older sister.

"Great idea Paige," Phoebe beamed back. She actually considered the idea until she turned to Cole, who shook his head in advisement.

"Shush!" Piper ordered, never taking her eyes off the screen where a male reporter was outside somewhere trying to talk over the massive wind.

"So all schools and businesses will be closed, along with many roads, due to the storm…" He tried to continue but he was suddenly swept away by a massive gust of wind. The camera cut off. Piper turned off the TV and turned her attention back to the table.

"You think this is Prue's way of telling us she's okay?" Phoebe asked as she took a bite of her cereal.

"I wouldn't put it past her." Cole mumbled. The two chuckled and Piper shot them her famous 'shut up-you-sorry excuse-for-a-human' glance. They immediately stopped.

"Do you know what this means? I'm gonna be stuck here for 2 weeks with you people!" Piper moaned.

"Maybe we could orb somewhere, like the Bahamas." Leo suggested.

"That has personal gain written all over it." Piper responded. She looked out the window and gasped. "Holy crap!"

Everyone turned to the window.

It was as dark as night outside, even though it was only 9:30am, rain poured down, and wind threw leaves and debris every which way.

Paige walked over to the back door and suddenly something hard hit it. It was Kit. Paige opened the door and let in the shaking cat "Poor kitty," She said as she watched Kit run under the table, leaving muddy prints behind.

"All over my clean floor!" Piper screamed. Kit hissed. "Shut up!"

"This should be fun." Paige grumbled glumly.

"Hey Cole, wanna go upstairs and play, uh Twister?" Cole asked. It was a stupid cover up because everyone knew what it meant. Phoebe had been using that euphemism since she was 14.

"Sure!" Cole happily replied as the two jumped up and ran from the room.

"Sounds like a good idea, doesn't it Piper?" Leo raised an eyebrow.

"You wanna go play Twister with Phoebe and Cole?" Paige gave him a disgusted glance.

"You have fun with that." Piper said blankly as she started washing dishes.

"Forget it," Leo stood up. "I'm gonna go write in my diary… ah I mean I'm gonna go… watch football!" He quickly left.

"He never writes anything good in that thing." Piper said without turning around. "Just a bunch of crap about his feelings."

"Bummer," Paige replied. "So I'm gonna go barricade myself in my room. I suggest you do the same, or heads are gonna roll." She got up and went to the fridge and started pulling out food. Piper turned and stared at her, completely confused. She put a soapy hand on her hip.

"What the hell are you doing?" Piper spat.

"What part of 'barricading myself from you people' did you not understand?" Paige asked, arms full of food that would probably spoil in a couple hours and end up giving her really bad food poisoning. Piper loved it.

She shrugged and turned back to her task. Paige walked off.

Meanwhile….

Leo's up in his room writing in his diary, which is pink and covered in crappily drawn flowers and unicorns. It has 'Keep out' scrawled across the front.

Leo sighed as he wrote.

"Ugh, I'm stuck here because of a storm. I hope the Elders call me soon. Piper shot me down, _again_! I swear, I'm getting really tired of everyone walking all over me just because I'm not as strong or intimidating as other guys… I wish…" Leo stopped scribbling as Piper walked in. He quickly closed the book and threw it under his pillow.

"Hey, do you know where the Aspirin is?" Piper asked as she looked around the room.

"Yea, I think it's in the bathroom." He replied. Piper nodded and headed for the bathroom. Leo pulled back out his journal and swiftly wrote. "XOXOXO" at the bottom of the page and returned it to its place. Piper walked back out.

"I'm gonna take a nap and try to take care of this splitting headache " She started as she sat on the bed.

"How'd you get a headache?" Leo asked, concerned.

"Oh Phoebe and Cole were goin at it and I was stupid enough to stand under their room, the ceiling broke and about 200 somethin pounds of naked flesh fell right on top of my head."

"How pleasant," Leo said mockingly.

"Very," Piper mumbled, laying down and closing her eyes.

Leo decided to use this opportunity to get close to his wife… Not that way you prick, Gaw is that all you people ever think about! Anyway, he laid down next to her and wrapped his arms around her.

Piper thought that Leo had left, and then he laid down, she was glad he did, they never really did anything anymore, maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. She could spend the time with Leo….Boy was she ever wrong.

TBC…

That was just the pilot. Tell me what you think then you get chapter 2! Trust me, it can only get funnier from here..


	2. Oy Vey!

First of all, I don't like how they screwed up the site. I couldn't figure out how to upload ANY of my documents. Secondly, what is it with this

'no reviewing crap after a certain time', we don't need a curfew! Dang!

Kit-Halliwell- Funnier? Funnier? You want it funnier? Okay, and I can only make em a certain length, it just depends on my idea, so bare with me.

Alex- I know it was a good idea- at least you know there's an upside to stealing ideas, huh? Feel free to take any ideas you want! LOL

Halli-Halliwell- Thanxs

Charmed1s-Halliwells-Thanks, it's a talent!

Disclaimer- I don't own Charmed- I did but I traded it to Alex for Prue's soul, how he got that is beyond me….not really! LoL!

Day 2- Oy vey

Piper had managed to sleep off that horrible headache and Leo had gotten some. (Piper was asleep of course.) Paige already had wicked food poisoning from some bad cheese, and Cole and Phoebe ran out of positions from their Karma Sutra book. Everyone was _so _bored.

"Well at least we've got cable." Cole told Leo as they watched football. Wait football-Leo? Nah,

"Good ole cable." Leo agreed as he popped a chip into his mouth.

"Lemme watch something!" Phoebe cried as she tried to snatch the remote from Cole, but he slapped her. She ran off crying, baby.

Suddenly the picture started to go fuzzy.

"No, no no." Leo shook his head. The picture went out.

"NOOOO!" Both men screamed. Leo hit the side of the TV with his fist.

"That's not gonna work, step aside." Cole ordered. He wiped his hands together then threw an energy ball at it. It exploded.

Leo shot him a glance that was a cross between; confusion, pity, and heartburn. "Well that didn't work either!" He screamed.

"What are we gonna do? That was our only source of entertainment, well _your _only source, I have Phoebe, but still." Cole rambled as he looked at the scorch mark where their beautiful TV just was.

"This can't be happening, we've only been here a day and everything's screwing up!" Leo wined. "If someone was writing this they have a sick sense of humor." He added.

Just then 'They' jingled.

"Thank god," Leo sighed. "They're calling," He said.

"Take me with you!" Cole pleaded. Literally, he got down on his hands and knees.

"Sorry dude," Leo smiled. He orbed away.

"Chicken!" Cole cried as he shook his fist in the air. Phoebe ran in.

"Chicken? Where?" She looked around. Cole shook his head.

Meanwhile…

Piper sat in the attic. The only place where she could get peace. But today was different, because _I'm _controlling it. So Paige walked in, she looks paler than usual, I mean _Dracula_ pale, which actually makes her look less pale.

Piper moaned angrily. "What do you want?" She asked as she watched Paige sit down.

"I don't feel so great, I was throwing up blood earlier." She complained as she held her stomach.

Piper hugged her. "Well it's not my problem." Paige pulled away. "Why don't you just have Leo heal you?"

"I can't find him." She groaned.

"Chicken." Piper muttered. Phoebe came running in, panting.

"Chicken? Where?" She looked around once again.

"Up your butt." Piper shot back. Phoebe walked out, hurt.

"Anyway, you can't say that I didn't warn you, you can't leave cheese, that was bad to begin with, next to your heater then eat it 6 hours later."

"But it was _so _good!" Paige licked her lips, but the thought only made her sicker. She threw up all over Piper's shoes.

"Oh… that's just great!" Piper bitched as she pushed Paige away. "God, okay you go lay down in your room and I'm gonna make you a potion, before I lose anymore shoes." Piper ordered.

Paige nodded. "Thanks Piper," She orbed out.

Meanwhile…(I love sayin that!)

Phoebe sat in the sunroom alone. She was sad. "Why do people think I'm so stupid? _I'm _not the one with the pink diary." She thought glumly. Piper walked past. Phoebe shot up and followed her sister, who strangely smelt like warm cheese, into the kitchen. "Piper you don't think I'm stupid, do you?"

:"Phoebes, I'm gonna be honest with you, I say this out of love. If you were any dumber we would have to water you twice a week." Piper said as she started making the potion that would probably just get thrown up on her again.

"Gee thanks Piper." Phoebe smiled at what she thought was a compliment.

Piper rolled her eyes. "Will you go away?"

Phoebe pouted. "Fine, jerk." She walked away.

Meanwhile… (Sorri, sorri, sorri!)

Cole was bored to death. Now Cole wasn't stupid, but he wasn't Einstein either. He decided to spin around in circles to see if he would get dizzy, he did, and in the process he broke the grandfather clock. "Uh oh." He muttered when he regained consciousness. He had to come up with a cover story, fast, but it was too late because Piper walked in.

"Cole, what the _hell_ did you do to the clock?" She screamed as she punched him in the shoulder.

Cole couldn't think of anything, so he said the first thing that popped into his head. "Uh, there was this, umm UFO, yea and it flew in through the window, and I tried to stop it, b-but it smashed into the clock then flew back out."

"UFO's huh?" Piper asked as she picked up a conveniently placed newspaper and rolled it up; she hit Cole on the nose. "No, very, very bad Cole!" She scolded him. Well this being my story Cole whimpered away like the sad creature he was. 'Great,' Piper thought as she looked at the remnants of the clock that they got fixed at least once a week. "Paige! She screamed. Seconds later Paige trudged down the stairs but missed the last one and fell flat on her face. "Hurry," Piper urged. Paige got up and walked over to her.

"Huh?" She moaned. She didn't look all that great, but then again, when has she ever?

Piper pointed to the clock. "Do that spell you like so much." She ordered and folded her arms.

"Piper I…"Paige started.

"Don't 'Piper I' get to it!"

Paige suddenly felt dizzy; she looked at Piper, who appeared to her like 3 Piper's, god no. "Piper," She muttered then fell over, unconscious.

Piper bent over and slapped Paige's face slightly. "Hey, wake up sleepy head." She said in a sweet voice, nothing. "Paige?" She asked, still nothing. Piper shook Paige hard enough to break her scrawny neck, and still nothing. "Paige!" Piper screamed in her face. She just didn't get it. "C'mon I ask you to fix the clock and you pull this crap!" She looked up and saw Phoebe standing there with a huge smile plastered on her face.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer."

"I knew it, I knew you would kill one of us sooner of later, just like you killed Prue, huh?" Phoebe said matter-of-factly.

Piper stood up and placed her hands on her hips. "I didn't _kill_ Paige!"

"What about Prue?" Phoebe raised an eyebrow.

Piper paused. "I didn't kill Paige!" She repeated then walked away.

Phoebe looked down at her. "Paige you're gonna be my new doll, K?" Phoebe said in her sweetest voice as she started to drag Paige's limp body up the stairs. "Let's go have a tea party..

Cole sat up in the attic and waited for Leo, Leo suddenly orbed in, just in time. Cole smiled wickedly at Leo then pulled out a paintball gun and started to shoot at Leo.

"Ow, Cole stop it!" Leo cried as he tried to find a place to hide. Dumb ass didn't think to orb. Leo started to cry, Cole stopped.

"That's what you get for leaving me here in this hell hole!" Cole shouted. He shook his head as Leo cringed in the corner, still crying. "Dude, grow a pair, will ya?" He helped Leo to his feet and they went and sat on the couch. "Shh, stop crying." He whispered. "If Piper finds out that I hurt you she'll kill me." And it was true, Piper was _very _overprotective of Leo, to her he was like a mentally ill guy, which just happened to be good in bed, on occasion.

Leo stifled a laugh and stopped crying.

"Good, now I have an idea, why don't we summon Prue and get her to give us a couple of lap dances?" Cole suggested.

"But wouldn't that be cheating?" Leo asked.

"No, besides it's just a simple dance. It's not like we're breaking any commandments. Although if 'thou shalt not do it on the roof' is a sin Phoebe and I are guilty." Cole somewhat bragged. Though I suppose anything you do with Freebie is nothing to brag about. (Cough-Slut-Cough-Whore-Cough.)

"That's nasty," Leo shook his head then gave in. "Alright, but we can't summon anyone; you're human now and I'm…"Cole cut him off.

"A pissy Whitelighter, yea I know, but there are no rules to this story, so we _can_." Cole said as he strutted over to the BOS.

"Story?" Leo mumbled as he followed.

After looking at the thickness of the book Cole spoke up. "Why don't we just make up a spell?" He suggested.

' _Oh send us Prue,_

_Who? Prue, so I can scr- I _

_I mean… see her again.'_

Well as crappy as that spell was; it worked, because Prue appeared in gold and white lights. She looked around, confused.

"Ah damn, how'd I end up back here?" She screamed.

Piper looked up towards the attic suddenly. She felt a chill go through her very soul.

"Ah, w-we summoned you." Leo answered.

"What?" Prue screamed, enraged. She whipped her arm, sending both men flying into the wall.

"Wow, is that hot or what?" Cole elbowed Leo.

"Or what…" Leo replied as they both stood up.

"Why did you summon me?" Prue demanded as she placed a hand on her hip.

"We, and I mean Leo and I, were kinda hopin…"

"Only if you want." Leo added.

"Right, if you could…" But Piper walked in.

"On hell no!" Piper screamed.

"Never mind," Leo muttered.

TBC…

Okay, I'll admit, not my best work, and for that I am truly and deeply sorry, but I've got writer's block, and I need to take a break, so be nice, and don't scold me too bad, please! Everyone's entitled to a bad day. You know the drill.

Cya!


	3. ding dong the witch is back

Reviews-reviews-reviews-

Only 2? You people sicken me! Only the ones who didn't review but read my other fics- Shame on you!

Witchy girl 88- Thank you

Alex- THANK U- Cole bullying Leo huh? I can do that. Speaking of which; you said you shacked up with Leo once? Well I'll trade you, you can have Cole and I'll take Leo, deal? Good. And Cole's special so he can be mortal and throw energy balls too!

Disclaimer- don't own Charmed never will.

Day 3- Ding dong the witch is back.

"What the hell are you doing here!" Piper screamed as she threw a candle stick at Prue.

"Ask you're sorry excuse for a husband and his lover!" Prue shot back.

"Whoa!" Cole said.

"Seriously!" Leo added.

"Sorry," Prue rolled her eyes. "I meant his _lova_." She said in an accent.

"What the fuck are you doing summoning Prue, jackass?" Piper scolded as she punched Leo on the shoulder.

"Yea jackass," Cole kicked him in the shins.

"Yea jackass," Grams slapped him on the back of the head. Wait a minute.

"Grams get out of here; you're not supposed to be here till later!" Prue yelled. Grams disappeared.

"But I didn't… Fine whatever I summoned Prue for Cole and I."

Piper gasped and Prue smiled.

"See Piper, I told ya Leo liked me better!" She stuck out her tongue.

"Get bent," (Whoa, haven't said that in awhile)

"Okay," She grabbed Leo's arm and they ran out of the room.

"That's not what I meant!" Piper screamed as she chased after them.

Cole stood there. "What about me?" He pouted.

Piper chased Prue down the hall and chucked her shoe at her head. It hit her and she fell down. "Ha ha, Piper 1, Prue 0." Piper wiped off some of the blood and placed the shoe back on. Leo stood there. Piper sat on Prue's back so she couldn't move.

"Are you as turned on as I am?" Leo asked.

"Just go get me some damn duct tape will ya!"

Leo orbed away then orbed back with some duct tape and one of Phoebe's _dirty _thongs.

"What's that for?" Piper asked as she taped Prue's feet and hands together.

"You don't wanna hear her screaming do you?"

"Good point," Piper took the garment between two fingers gingerly. She scrunched up her nose and shoved it into Prue's mouth.

Prue gagged and threw up in her mouth, but she had to swallow it, which only made her throw up again.

Leo threw Prue into the closet and shut the door.

"You think we should've gotten Andy's skeleton out of there first?" Piper asked. Leo shook his head.

"No, they wanted to be together, now they can be." Leo wiped his hands together.

"See, we make a pretty good team. That is; when I'm not busy being bitchy and overbearing, and you're not busy writing in your diary." Piper put her arm around him as they headed downstairs.

Leo nodded and smiled then looked around. "Where are Phoebe and Paige?"

Piper shrugged. "I dunno they're around here somewhere."

Up in Phoebe's room.

Phoebe pulled out a tray from her Easy-Bake oven and pulled off a sticky green pile off of it and shoved it into Paige's mouth.

Paige had woken up sometime between the blood-red chocolate cake and the crunchy brownies, but she wished she hadn't. She cried as she chewed what she hoped was a cereal bar. She bit into something hard. She tried to swallow but couldn't, several painful attempts later she swallowed and vowed to burn off her taste buds later.

"So…what do you think?" Phoebe beamed.

Paige couldn't hurt her sister's feelings. Oh wait, yes she could! "Phoebes, this looks like something a cat threw up and tasted like…like…It was so horrible the taste was indescribable!" Paige stood up.

Phoebe's bottom lip started to tremble and she cried. "I'm telling Piper on you!"

Paige shook her head then looked into the mirror. She gasped. Her once red hair was black, she wearing Cole's clothes, and she had on an appalling amount of make up.

"Phoebe, what's with the make up? I look like a French hooker!"

"What? I didn't mess with the make-up." Phoebe told her.

"Oh, well what about my hair? It's ruined!"

"That wasn't me; it was my imaginary friend, Nicole. She likes to play pranks." Phoebe said in her sweetest voice.

"I'll show you imaginary friend!" Paige started to choke Phoebe. Just then Cole walked in. He stood there then walked into the closet and walked back out with a video camera and started filming. They started punching each other. It was kinda funny, at least until Paige's arm snapped in two, and then it was hilarious!

"Oh boy," Cole muttered then walked away.

"Paige I'm _so_ sorry!" Phoebe apologized as she looked at her wound.

Paige whimpered. "I-I'm telling Piper!" She ran out of the room.

"No Paige, wait!" Phoebe chased after her. Paige made it to the kitchen before Phoebe tackled her to the ground. Which only made the bone in her arm come out farther.

"What's going on here?" Piper asked as she looked down from on top of the counter.

"Phoebe hur…" Paige froze. "What are you doing up there?" She stood up and saw Piper and Leo naked on the island. "Oh god Piper, that's disgusting! We make food on there!" Paige almost threw up.

Phoebe's jaw hung open as she stared at Leo. Paige turned her attention to him also.

"Wow," Phoebe muttered. Piper started throwing knives at them and they ran out.

Now we're gonna check on Cole.

"SO bored-gonna die," Cole sighed as he threw a bowling ball down the stairs. Phoebe dodged it just in time.

"Whatcha doin?" Phoebe asked.

"Playing with my balls." Cole answered.

Phoebe started cracking up. Cole dropped a bowling ball on her foot. She stopped. "Sorry,"

"Anyway, how's Paige?" Cole asked as they sat on the stairs.

"Fine, she went to try to fix her arm." Phoebe giggled. "Hey I saw you taping earlier; we could sell it on the internet."

"You wanna?"

"Only if I get half the cut." Phoebe insisted.

"Deal," They got up and started walking towards their bedroom but stopped when they heard kicking coming out of the closet. Cole opened the door and Prue fell out.

"Prue?" Phoebe asked in shock.

Prue said something in a muffled voice.

Cole pulled out the thong and looked it over. "Hey this is mi- I mean Phoebe's." Cole quickly covered.

"Piper and Leo put me in here!" Prue tried to catch her breath.

"Why?" Phoebe chuckled as she undid the duct tape. Why she did that is beyond me.

"I dunno, she told me to get bent and I started to run off with Leo. You know, same basic shit I tried when I was alive."

"Whatever, just don't be trying that 'shit' with Cole. Or else I'll kill your undead ass!" Phoebe threatened.

Cole gave Prue a wink then he and Phoebe started walking again.

"Wait! What am I supposed to do? Please don't let Piper and Leo get me again!" Prue pleaded. Wait, did she just say 'please'? Run for your lives! It's a sign of the Apocalypse!

"You can go meet Paige. That should be fun." Phoebe suggested.

"You mean that pasty-ass-bitch?" Prue asked.

"That's her alright," Phoebe said then walked away.

An evil spread across Prue's face as she went to find her half-sister.

TBC….

There ya go; I swear I have the WORST case of writers block. But it shall pass, just as that bean burrito did. LOL just kidding! Hoped you guys liked it, now go do that thing that you do that you do oh so well!

Cya!

Nicole!


	4. Only day 4? NOOO!

Day 4- Only day 4! NO!

The TV was still out but they still had the Internet, actually Cole _and _Phoebe had the Internet. They had made over 8 hundred pesos (Which isn't very much.) on Ebay.

Piper and Leo weren't talking to each other because Piper screamed out Dan's name during sex. What made it awkward is that _Leo_ screamed out Dan's name also.

Wyatt, who hasn't been seen or mentioned throughout the whole story, was plotting to kill his entire family. He even took on the alias Stewie Griffin.

Paige had healed her arm but was in the attic being tortured by Prue.

"Ow Prue please stop!" Paige cried as Prue burned her with a cigarette.

"Try to steal my family will you. Bitch!" Prue yelled as she burned Paige again.

"I didn't ask to replace you! It just sorta happened!" Paige tried to tell her. She was too stupid to orb. That food poisoning _so _did not help her brain cells.

"Just like this sorta happened!" Prue started tying Paige's feet up. Then she used her powers to loop the end of the rope around a support beam on the ceiling so now Paige is hanging upside-down 6ft in the air.

"Prue please! Stop!" Paige pleaded. She could feel the blood rushing to her head.

"I would stop but then what would I do?" Prue asked sweetly.

"I-I'll tell you where Leo hides his diary!"

"Oh please, I have a spare key to that thing." Prue chuckled.

Paige passed out before she could get another word out.

"Hmm, that sucked." Prue muttered as she brought Paige back down and bitch-slapped her hard.

"Wha? Two more minutes mommy," Paige mumbled.

"Excuse me!" Prue picked up an air horn, which she saved for special occasions and blew it into Paige's ear.

Paige jumped up and held her ears in pain.

"I wasn't done torturing you yet."

She somehow duct taped Paige to the wall and started throwing knives at her. Missing purposely. Paige cried and stiffened up as another knife zipped past her ear.

Leo was in his room. Writing in his diary _again. _

"I can't take it anymore, the Elders haven't called for awhile, I think they're doin it on purpose. Piper and I still aren't talking. Looks like Dan figured out another way to screw up our relationship. Well I'm bored so I'm gonna go turn the dryer on and sit on it cuz it makes your teeth rattle and your body numb."

_Love, Leo…XOXO" _Leo got up and did just that…Guys are weird.

Phoebe and Cole sat in their bedroom looking at Freebie's laptop.

"Look, we got another bid from; Mamasboy47" Phoebe pointed to the screen happily.

"And another from; Took-my-cousin-2the-prom22." Cole pointed out. He suddenly smelt something rancid. He leaned in closer to Phoebe then jumped back and ended up falling off the bed. "Holy crap Phoebe, when was the last time you had contact with soap _or_ water!" Cole gagged.

"Um about 2 weeks ago, why?" Phoebe asked. She lifted up her arm to scratch her head. Little green odor lines emitted from her armpits. Cole retched then fell over.

"Fine don't be so dramatic, I'll go take a shower, geez!" Phoebe said as she got up and went into the bathroom.

Phoebe always gets kinda bored in the shower if she doesn't have her Rubber Ducky so she started to sing.

"Come on and take it off- take it off! You gotta shake it off baby for meee!" Phoebe tried to emulate the Donnas. "Cuz I get what I want and I like what I seee!"

Kit who was sadly trapped in the bathroom started to scratch at the door like crazy and started to cry.

Piper was probably the sanest one left in the house. She sat in the kitchen reading her favorite book_ 'So you're sick of your sisters, huh? 101 easy no-mess ways to take the trash out.' _Always a classic.

"Hmm, apparently electrical cords are better than rope." Piper said to herself. She suddenly heard the dryer stop.

Leo walked in from the laundry room. He looked down, still not wanting to face Piper, but he had to say this.

"I hope Wyatt was the only kid you wanted to have, because I won't exactly be in the baby-making business anymore."

"Dryers will do that to ya." Piper said. Never taking her eyes off the book. Leo walked away. Piper put her book down and laughed.

Wyatt was in the basement. No one had discovered him yet. In fact no one had even realized that he had the Book of Shadows. Not that it mattered he couldn't read. His original plan was to kill his family, but he decided to just toy with them for awhile. He walked up to the wall with a piece of chalk in hand and drew a bunch of squiggly lines. Then he said in the creepiest voice; "Chris," The squiggly lines disappeared and turned into a portal. Chris popped his head out of it.

"Hey bro," Chris said. He tried to get out of the portal fully but the hole was too small. "Ah, a little help here." He took Wyatt's hand and he pulled him out oddly enough.

Chris stood up and wiped his hands off. "Ready when you are,"

Wyatt nodded then started to laugh wickedly. Yes baby's can have evil laughs too! Chris laughed also. Then Wyatt stopped and looked at Chris. He stopped.

"Sorry," Chris apologized.

TBC…

Now you know how Chris got here, kinda. Well that was interesting. I am disturbed aren't I?

Cya!

Nicole!


	5. Why can't we leave!

Day 5- Why can't we leave!

Chris and Wyatt were still in the basement. Wyatt was playing with the sword Piper had supposedly hidden and Chris was finishing up a spell.

"Okay, the spell is done. Now no one can leave the house. But doesn't that mean that _we _can't get out either?"

Wyatt's eyes widened. "Oh crap," He said in a cute/creepy voice then used his power to stab Chris in the foot with the sword.

"OW!" Chris cried. Wyatt put his finger to his mouth and Chris covered his mouth. They both looked up and listened to the screams that came from upstairs.

Upstairs…

The storm had stopped and the sun was shining. Only one problem, they couldn't get out.

"The doors won't open!" Prue screamed as she ran around in circles.

"What are we gonna do!" Phoebe was doing the same. They ran in each other and fell to the floor.

"Don't panic, no one panic, I said no one fucking panic!" Paige ran in. everybody looked at her strangely.

"Leo, Paige, try to orb." Piper ordered. Both Whitelighters closed there eyes and got the look of constipation on their faces like they did when they tried to orb, nothing.

"Nada," Leo said.

"Same here," Paige agreed.

"Why can't we leave!" Cole had already managed to pull out half of his hair.

"How the hell should I know!" Piper screamed.

Prue and Phoebe came to and stood up. Prue forgot what had happened and turned on the TV. But no picture came up. She started screaming again.

"Okay Prue, we're past the screaming." Cole said over her cries. "Prue!" He screamed. "Prue look, an Aaron Spelling show without a bitch!" Prue stopped and looked around.

"Where?"

"Over here," Everyone turned to look at Phoebe, who was clutching a butcher knife. "There is no way I'm gonna be stuck here any longer with you people, so I'm taking you all out." She said through gritted teeth.

"W-wait, if you kill us you still won't be able to get out, so you'll just be stuck here with a bunch of rotted corpses." Piper tried to reason.

Phoebe stopped walking and thought that over. Which was just enough time for Cole and Leo to grab her and drug her. She passed out.

"Alright, so it seems that there is some sick force that is keeping us here, so I suggest that we just keep conversation light and avoid each other as much as possible." Paige suggested.

"Good idea," they all agreed and went their separate ways. Piper stayed in the kitchen, because it was her haven, Paige went to her room, Cole and Leo went to the bathroom, and Prue was in the attic, Leo had orbed Phoebe into her room.

Later…

Piper walked into the Conservatory and gasped. Cole was standing by the fireplace, naked, and covered in what looked like grease.

Cole spun around in shock. "Piper! It's not what it looks like!"

"You mean you weren't about to try to shimmy up the narrow fireplace in an attempt to free yourself from this hellhole while covered in grease?" Piper said quickly.

"Oh, then it is," He put a hand on his hip. "Only this isn't grease, it's KY, Phoebe has a whole crate in her room."

"Carry on," Piper walked out and went to throw up.

Hours later….

A few hours had passed and already things were getting weird. Everybody was covered in dirt, their clothes were ripped, and their hair was tangled. It looked as if they were stranded on a desert island rather than a house.

Cole crawled weakly and stretched his arm out, "Food…" He mumbled.

Leo was doing the same and said. "Water…"

Prue mimicked but said, "Attention…or a TV show…"

Paige, trying to fit in said, "Facial wax…"

Piper walked by and surveyed the scene; she shook her head and said weakly. "Brains," and walked away.

Phoebe opened her eyes and looked around. This wasn't her room, this was the basement. She spyed two figures in the shadows, one short, the other tall. She squinted to see.

"Wyatt?" She gasped as Wyatt and Chris stepped forward. "Who are you?"

"I'm your nephew, Chris, and you're going help us Aunt Phoebe." Chris smirked wickedly."

"Your aunt? Wait, what's going on here!" Phoebe demanded.

"You'll see," Chris said.

Wyatt laughed, this time Chris didn't; he couldn't afford to lose another toe.

TBC….


	6. Nightmare on Prescott St

Day 6- Nightmare on Prescot St.

"Leo, are you sure you put Phoebe in her room?" Piper asked as she looked under Phoebe's bed.

"I'm positive," Leo answered and looked in the toilet.

"I bet you she found a way out, she didn't even tell me. That little whore." Paige said angrily.

"I don't see why we're bothering to look for her, I mean, now that she's gone I get her room!" Prue cheered. "Not to mention Cole," She added under her breath.

"What was that?" Cole asked. Prue shook her head. "Well we've been searching for almost an hour and we still can't find her. I say we count our blessings and try to find a way out ourselves."

"Shouldn't you be a little more hurt? I mean your wife is missing, possibly dead, and your feeling up Prue!" Piper said, disgusted and slightly jealous, at the sight of Prue and Cole.

Cole cleared his throat. "Well shouldn't _you_ be more hurt, I mean she was your sister, and your already shredding her pictures!"

Piper stopped in mid-shred of Phoebe's baby picture. "Okay, we're even, none of us miss her."

"Then how come we just wasted a page talking about her?" Paige questioned. Everyone shrugged.

"I'm hungry," Leo randomly spoke up.

"Yea, me too." Piper agreed. "I'll go start dinner, meanwhile I want you nimrods to keep trying to find a way out." Piper ordered then walked out.

"Bitch," Prue mumbled.

"I heard that!" Piper screamed.

Meanwhile in the basement…

"So you're telling me that you brought your brother back from the future so you could gain control of the Nexus?" Phoebe asked. She was tied to a chair in the center of the room. The only light was coming from the single lightbulb that was hanging over Phoebe.

Wyatt nodded. "That's right Aunt Phoebe," He told her telepathically.

"Okay, I'm still freaked out about the psychic talking thing." Phoebe shuddered.

Just then Chris orbed in.

He smiled. "I checked up on our beloved family." He started. "They're no longer searching for Phoebe, they're still looking for a way out. And I must say; Aunt Prue is looking might-y fine,"

"Eww, Hillbilly much?" Phoebe gagged.

"I want to see them," Wyatt commanded. Chris nodded and walked over to the corner and walked back with a giant stone basin and set in on a table. He lifted Wyatt on to the table and poured a couple bottles of Evian into the bowl.

"Fancy," Phoebe mumbled.

Wyatt ignored the comment and lightly touched the water with the pads of his fingers. The water's clear appearance changed. Now it showed Piper and Leo in the kitchen.

"Cool," Chris whispered.

Piper was at the kitchen sink, rinsing off something and Leo was staring at Piper's butt.

"Why do you think we can't leave?" Piper asked, still at the sink. Leo didn't say anything. "Leo?" She turned around.

"Huh, oh I'm not sure. Has it occurred to anyone to check the Book?" He said blankly as he stared at her chest.

"Oh for the love of god Leo, you know what they look like, we're married!" Piper screamed.

"I know," Leo barely heard her. She crossed her arms. Leo looked up at her. "Oh fine, I'll go check the Book." He walked off.

"Didn't need to see that." Chris shuddered.

Wyatt touched the water again and the image showed into Paige's room. She was jumping around, throwing her arms every other way. She looked possessed.

"Oops I did it again! I played with your heart, got lost in the game!" Paige sang along with her stereo. She was wearing a Catholic Schoolgirl outfit, trying to mimic one of Britney's videos.

"That's-just-wrong," Phoebe cringed.

Finally Wyatt touched the water once more and showed Prue and Cole…ahem…doing each other.

"Prue!" Phoebe screamed at the bowl.

"Prue!" Cole suddenly screamed.

Phoebe raised an eyebrow. She had an idea. "Prue, you're a slut!"

"Prue, you're a slut!" Cole screamed out.

"Hey! Stop that!" Chris slapped Phoebe.

"Hey stop that!" Prue said between breaths. They stopped and looked around.

Wyatt plunged his hand into the bowl and pulled out a little stopper. The water began to drain out. Phoebe looked under the table but saw nothing.

"That is some freaky Harry Potter shit,"

"Chris, start digging. I want that Nexus found by the time I wake up from my nap!" Wyatt ordered.

"Okay," Chris gave Wyatt a bottle and a blanket. He quickly fell asleep.

Chris walked over to a marked spot, picked up a shovel, and started to dig. Phoebe watched him. At the same time she was trying to break the rope.

"Why do you let him boss you around like that?" Phoebe asked.

"He's my older brother," Chris laughed like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Not here he's not. Wyatt's only 2 and a half, and how old are you?"

"26," Chris answered.

Phoebe giggled.

"I see your point, but I don't mind." He shuttered as he looked over at the sleeping Wyatt.

"I know how you feel. No one thinks you're good enough. You don't measure up, you're stupid, slutty, never held down a job in her whole life Phoebe! Well look how the tables have turned Prue! You're rotting in the ground while I'm a successful advice columnist!" Phoebe ranted angrily.

"Being the youngest sucks," Chris muttered.

"Well now I'm not even the youngest. I'm not anything anymore! Not since Vampirella came along!"

"Okay, look, it's nice getting a little free therapy, really, but I'm not supposed to talk to the hostages." Chris glanced at her then turned back to the digging. Although he could be doing it telekinetically, dumb ass.

"Chris, why don't you untie me and we can both take over the Nexus, together!" Phoebe tried to persuade him.

"I dunno,"

"C'mon, it'll be fun, we could be in total power and get rid of our siblings at the same time." Phoebe said.

Chris thought for a moment, still not convinced.

Phoebe sighed. "Fine, don't, let Wyatt continue to make your life a living hell. Once he gets the Nexus it's only gonna get worse." Phoebe laughed to herself, she never thought she'd be dissing on her 2 year old nephew for being evil.

"Alright, but no tricks." Chris set the shovel down and walked over to untie Phoebe. But she had already untied herself so she kicked Chris in the…ehem…orbs then ran upstairs.

She found her family in the dining room eating and discussing something.

"Guys! Thank god I found you! Wyatt is…" Phoebe was interrupted.

"AH Zombie!" Prue screamed. She picked up a shovel and hit Phoebe over the head.

"You dumb ass, she's not a zombie!" Piper slapped her supposedly 'smart' sister. "Leo, you wanna heal her?"

"Not really, when has she ever done anything for me?" Leo said in between bites of food.

"Oh, there was the time she saved you from the Darklighter," Paige reminded him.

"That was me!" Piper corrected.

"Ok, then what about the time she squashed that spider that was sitting on top of the toilet after you had just eaten your weight in Mexican food?" Paige tried again.

"That would be me," Cole raised his hand.

"Ugh, oh how about the time… wait, that was me. Ooh there's…no, ok so maybe she hasn't done anything for you…"

"Except give me Herpes," Leo muttered.

Piper looked like she was about to pass out.

"…but I think you should heal her all the same." Paige finished, suppressing the urge to say that Phoebe had given her Herpes also. Lol

Leo rolled his eyes. "Fine, but you're gonna regret it." He bent down to Phoebe who was lying in a puddle of her own blood. He put his hand over her head and healed her.

Phoebe stood up and shook her head; a faint rattling sound was heard. "Thanks Prue, now I forgot what I was gonna say."

"You're welcome," Prue smiled, then screamed. "Ah Zombie!" She swung the shovel again this time instead of hitting Phoebe she hit an actual zombie, it's head went flying across the room and broke the grandfather clock.

"Not the clock!" Piper cried. She looked down at the zombie who was emitting green goo from his neck. She threw her hands up. "That's never gonna come out!" She stormed out of the room.

(Silence) To fill the block Cole takes off his shirt, and so does Leo.

Just then Chris walked in.

"Chris!" Phoebe screamed.

"Who's Chris?" Prue asked, but staring at Cole also.

"He's…" Phoebe started.

"You," Chris smiled wickedly then glamoured into Phoebe. (Gasps)

Piper suddenly walked in, then stopped. "Omigod! Why are there tow Phoebes'! Someone _please _tell me why there are two Phoebes'!"

"I dunno, one minute this really weird looking guy named Chris walks in the next thing we know he's morphed into the Slutty One." Paige replied.

"Hey! I resent that!" Phoebe screamed.

Chris laughed then grabbed Phoebe's arm then orbed. Seconds later they orbed back.

"Which one's the real one?" Leo asked.

"Who cares? I say we blow both of them up." Piper said.

"No, you can't, one of those Phoebe's is my daughter!" Someone screamed.

Everyone turned to see who had said that.

"Grams!" Everyone except for Leo and the real Phoebe gasped. Leo shrieked like a little girl and fainted and Phoebe was too busy listening to her iPod to care.

"That's right, Phoebe is my brotha from anotha motha.." She said all gangsta style. "I-I mean my daughter."

TBC….

WOW! What a twist! That was good…

Cya!

Nicole


	7. the truth is out thereand it SUXS!

TerraBasher1000- what line? I don't watch Drake and Josh, so it was a coincidence.

Day 7-The Truth is out there. And it sucks!

Everyone was extremely freaked out that Grams had confessed to being the mother of Freebie. Chris' presence had lost all it's shock value so he quietly snuck away to the basement.

"How can you be my mom?" Phoebe cried.

"Yea, Prue and I even saw mom pregnant with her." Piper vouched. _No, don't vouch! Finally, proof that Phoebe isn't your sister!_

"No, what you two saw was a deeply depressed woman who sought comfort in cheeseburgers and Funions." Grams corrected.

"But, then who's my father?" Freebie demanded.

"Well, Victor is still your father, you see it all happened when…" Grams started.

"NOO!" Prue, Piper, and Phoebe shouted at once.

"We really don't need to hear how our grandmother was knocked up by our father." Prue almost threw up.

"I wanna see where this is going." Leo insisted as he and Cole pulled up a seat and munched on some popcorn.

"Alright," Grams started once more. "It all happened just before Patty and Victor divorced, Patty and Sam were right in the middle of a hot and heavy affair. I was depressed because I had no man to take advantage of, and Victor had no woman to take advantage of him because his wife always had to go to the 'store', so we both got really drunk, actually he was drunk, then we had a night of hot…sweaty…. sex." The way Grams was spreading out those last words it was almost like she wanted the girls to suffer.

"That's _horrible_," Piper moaned and doubled over like someone just said the worst possible thing to her, oh wait, they did.

"Oh believe me, what happened next was even worse." Grams continued. "Victor didn't have a condom, and I thought he was sterile from sitting on the dryer for so long…"

Piper looked at Leo who looked away and whistled.

"But the next morning I woke up with the worst headache in the world and a dent in my headboard, I took the test just to be sure, then sure enough, nine months later out popped Phoebe."

"Wow, I thought my life sucked before, but to learn that my grandma is really my mom!" Phoebe shook her head in both shame and disbelief.

"So then that would make our mom Phoebe's sister, so we would be her nieces, but also our half sister." Prue thought out loud.

"Hey! I'm the annoying half sister!" Paige whined, Prue slapped her.

"That also means that my dad is also my brother-in-law!" Phoebe cried once more.

"Geez where's Jerry Springer when you need him." Cole laughed.

"Hey, what ever happened to that Freebie Wannabe?" Piper asked. Everyone looked around.

"He's in the basement, with Wyatt!" Phoebe shouted.

"What are you talking about?" Leo chuckled.

"I'm serious! His name is Chris, he's yours and Piper's son, but Wyatt summoned him from the future, now they're trying to get the Nexus!" Phoebe tried to convince them.

"Ok, looks like someone's had a little too much excitement for one day." Prue said mockingly.

"Yea, maybe you should go to bed." Grams added. Prue already had her shovel in mid-swing at hearing this but Grams shook her head so Prue lowered it sadly.

"No I swear, look for yourselves!" Phoebe urged.

"We believe you Phoebe," Cole spoke to her like she was a little kid. He and Leo grabbed her by the arms and dragged her upstairs.

"Well, I'd better be going." Grams said casually.

"Take us with you!" Paige pleaded.

"Sorry, that's not in my power." Grams answered somewhat regretfully.

"Bull," Piper spat.

"Blessed be my darlings!" Grams said as fast as she could and disappeared.

"Slut!" Prue called. Suddenly the chandelier fell on top of her head and knocked her out.

"Cool, killed two birds with one stone." Paige smiled.

"What are you talking about? Grams was probably our only way out. And Prue balanced out your annoying-ness." Piper screamed and kicked Paige, just as the men re-entered.

Suddenly Alex walked in and sat down.

"Who the hell are you?" Paige demanded, placing a hand on her hip.

"Oh don't mind me, I'm just here because I'm trying to avoid writing my stories." Alex replied and started flirting with Cole and Leo.

"Wait, how'd you get in here?" Piper asked, a lightbulb going off in her mind.

"The door was open,"

Everyone quickly trampled over Prue and ran to the front door. Cole jiggled the knob but no luck, Leo tried, but if Cole couldn't do it Leo sure as hell couldn't, it's not like it was knitting or anything.

Alex walked by eating an apple. "You're not getting out ya know."

"And why not?" Piper demanded.

"Because, Freebie was right, about Wyatt and Chris, believe it or not."

"I don't believe that! Give me one good reason I shouldn't blow your lying ass up right now." Piper challenged.

"Because," Alex started. "I worship you, get rid of me and you lose a follower."

Piper thought this over…"He makes a good point, let's go check the basement."

By now Prue had woken up so she followed. Alex pulled Cole and Leo back.

"You two aren't going _anywhere._" He smiled wickedly.

"What are you gonna do to us?" Cole asked, a little frightened.

"I think the real question is what am I _not _going to do to you." He replied. And flamed out with both of them to the attic.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(The kitchen…by the basement door.)

"You go first," Piper motioned to Paige.

"No, you go first," Paige replied. Both sisters looked at Prue who was looking down the dark staircase.

"She goes first," Piper said. Paige nodded and together they pushed Prue down to stairs, probably killing her _again_ judging by the bone crushing sound she made when she hit the bottom.

"I'm okay," Prue called weakly.

"Damn," Paige muttered and her and Piper cautiously down.

When they made it to the last step the lights turned on revealing Chris holding a knife to Prue's throat and Wyatt, in a black robe, standing by the hole where the Nexus was.

"Come any closer and I'll kill her." Chris warned.

Piper and Paige burst out laughing. "Go ahead, we dare ya!"

"I-I will," Chris stuttered.

"We're waiting," Piper crossed her arms.

"You must excuse Chris, he's never killed before." Wyatt told them telepathically in an English accent.

"Wyatt?" Piper screamed.

"That's right, it looks as if the shoe is on the other foot now."

"What is he talking about?" Paige whispered. Piper shrugged.

"Hello! Still holding a knife here!" Chris whined like he always does.

Wyatt sighed then flung his little arm, sending Chris and Prue flying through the air, Prue landing on a nicely placed ax. A creepy-Wyatt grin spread across his face.

It went straight through Prue's back.

"Oh shit, am I dead again?" She complained, then waited. "Hmm, guess not." She stood up with the ax still in her back.

Suddenly Leo and Cole came running down the stairs in nothing but boxers; wait, hold on…(Their boxers disappear.) that's better.

Cole: (Out of breath.) "You guys-gotta help-Alex…" (He passed out.)

Leo: "Source- All Evil…" (He passed out on top of Cole. hmm.)

(Alex runs in.)

Alex: "Um…"

Piper: "You're the Source?"

Alex: "Yes…and I need your help, I'm trapped in this damn house!"

(Gasps!)

TBC….

Ok, that was weird, I'll admit, but I'll do better next chapter.

nicole


End file.
